I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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