watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
