thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Randomize
