Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
