I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
