I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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