Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
