My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
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