Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I wish i was in the wii world.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
