why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
