why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
