there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
