Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
