1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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