Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
