you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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