just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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