Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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