This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
