TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
