I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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