girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize