Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
