Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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