My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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