you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
