I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
