I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
