Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize