Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
