Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize