I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
as a side note pls kill me
You are a genius and a whore.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
