The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
