You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
