your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
