How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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