i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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