In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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