i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
