ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
