I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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