Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
