i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
