Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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