Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
