you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
