I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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