***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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