What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
