Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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