i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
there is puke in my bra ... again
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
