Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
