It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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