Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm like, not good at living.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
