Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
