What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
