The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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