He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize