your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize