Did you just see the Batmobile???
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize