every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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