Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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