Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
