Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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