Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
