Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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