not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
