new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize